The Gift of Giving

My life’s journey is a calling. A gift. I ponder over the meaning of that word. 

Gift.

The way it feels in my mouth, my mind, my heart. For me it is a deep journey – I can feel the sensation deep within my soul.

I know my calling is to be of service to others. Of that I have no doubt. I have always been drawn towards marginalised groups in society, in particular, those people who have special needs, with no voice to speak up for themselves. Even as a teenager, my bookshelf was stocked with life stories about people with a range of needs… autism, schizophrenia, depression, down syndrome…

In response to this calling, I have spent the last 18 years teaching and have thoroughly enjoyed the opportunities it has offered.  However, is teaching a gift I share with others when there is an expectation of payment at the end of each fortnight? I can put my heart and soul into my teaching, but would I do it without financial reward? How could I?

In my ongoing pursuit of happiness, I recently started my own business with the intent of sharing yoga with people with special needs. This is something I absolutely believe in and am very passionate about. The benefits of yoga for everyone are scientifically proven, and this is so much the case for those with special needs. However, I find myself in a quandary. As I rely upon income to maintain qualify of life for myself and our family, I am once again left wondering:

How can my yoga be a gift?

Since moving into this field, I have become more aware how truly difficult it is for families of children with special needs. This is a highly underfunded part of society. I find myself feeling stuck. My desire to give is being compromised.

I realise that in order to be able to give, I need to receive consistent income. This seems like a contradiction. Am I ever truly giving if I need to receive first? I find myself thinking of a quote I once heard about filling your own cup before being able to fill the cups of others. I realise that in order to share my yoga with marginalised groups in society, I need to earn a consistent income first.  I don’t want to charge for my yoga. I want to share it … as a gift.

So I now find myself in new territory. In an ideal world, our economy would not rely so heavily on material wealth. It would be a culture of peer support, giving back and paying forward.  I believe this movement is starting to happen. Consciousness is rising. But for me, personally, I need to be able to give – free of expectation or financial reward. For the reward is in the giving itself.

And so my journey continues.

xx Tracey xx